Chapter 227 — Kin

Ming Li lay prostrate, his heart in utter turmoil, a thousand words in his belly yet not one able to come out. On the night of that great upheaval, though he well knew Lu Xueling had struck only because she had no choice but to save him, Tian Buhui was, after all, the benevolent master who had raised him to manhood, the man he had reverenced and loved all his life—and there before his very eyes, that Divine Sword of the Celestial Dipper had run clean through his master's breast... Afterward, almost by instinct, in the depths of his agony, he had thrust Lu Xueling a thousand miles away.

After the turmoil in the southern borderlands, there had been a brief embrace—yet under fate's cruel sport the chasm between them had only grown deeper and wider. He truly did not know why Heaven should be so merciless.

But now, before Su Wan, though Ming Li had once harbored such tangled feelings, he could not stand by and let her misunderstand Lu Xueling. Yet he understood all too well that his mistress's devotion to his master surpassed even his own; if even he could not accept what had happened, how could he ask his mistress to be magnanimous?

Ming Li was struck dumb, and for a time did not know what to say at all.

The truth was sharp and merciless as a blade's edge; everyone who came near it seemed doomed to be cut.

Yet at this moment Su Wan's face was not so resolute, nor so stricken with grief, as Ming Li had imagined. On the contrary, after the first onset of sorrow, a thoughtful look slowly came over her. After a moment she said to Ming Li, "I remember you said just now that before the end, Buyi's mind briefly cleared and he recognized you—is that right?"

Ming Li nodded. "Yes."

Su Wan said, "Then did he say anything to you?"

Ming Li thought hard for a moment, then said quietly, "After the master woke, he spoke two sentences to me."

Su Wan pressed him. "What did he say?"

Ming Li said, "The master's first sentence was rather strange; he only repeated three words: 'Not her fault, not her fault.' The second was an instruction to this disciple: after the master's passing, I was to bring his remains back to Dazhu Peak and give them to you, Mistress, and to tell you..."

Su Wan's expression changed. "What did he want you to tell me?"

Ming Li said in a low voice, "As the master lay dying, he told this disciple to tell you, Mistress, to restrain your grief, and not to... not to do anything foolish."

Su Wan stood speechless, tears brimming in her eyes, her body swaying again and again, strength seeming to drain from her limbs as she tottered on the verge of collapse, the very picture of heartbreak. Ming Li's heart ached with grief and worry, yet he did not dare step forward; he could only remain prostrate and knock his head on the ground, saying, "Mistress, restrain your grief!"

Only after a long while did Su Wan's voice come, somewhat calmer now, low and faint: "I am all right now. Get up."

Only then did Ming Li rise and look up. Su Wan's face had grown calm, but the grief in her eyes was still plain for all to see.

In the Hall of Quiet Cultivation there fell another stretch of silence. Ming Li silently added a few more paper coins to the iron pot. Then Su Wan suddenly spoke: "In your heart, do you also harbor some resentment and dissatisfaction toward Lu Xueling for striking down your master?"

Ming Li was startled, not knowing what his mistress meant by such a question, and for a moment could not answer. But Su Wan was a woman of extraordinary intelligence, and with her long experience of the world she had long since learned to see through people; one look at Ming Li's expression told her most of what she needed to know.

She said mildly, "Do you know what those three words Buyi spoke before the end—'not her fault'—truly meant?"

Ming Li was taken aback. "What?"

Su Wan smiled a faint, bitter smile. "If I am not mistaken, I fear Buyi willingly let that Miss Lu Xueling kill him."

Ming Li was greatly shocked. "Mistress, what are you saying..."

Su Wan gave a long sigh and said, "Enough. The past is too painful to look back on, yet it will not be dispelled. But the secrets of our generation should not entangle you young ones after all." She turned quietly and looked at Tian Buhui; his face was peaceful and serene, as though he were merely asleep. She said softly, "Buyi, you must want me to tell him that secret too..."