Chapter 46 — Pain
劍問蒼天 · Page 2 of 5
Zhang Qingyue paid her no heed.
The two of them passed several more days there. In his idle hours Zhang Qingyue would go study the Book of Heaven, while Bili often sat staring blankly at the wall, at what she called the Fool's Passion Incantation, lost in thought.
The first volume of the Book of Heaven in truth contained no practical method of cultivation; the whole was difficult, abstruse writing, and might be counted a general outline. But Zhang Qingyue, having learned the true arts of both the Buddhist and the Daoist schools, could more or less understand the text — understand it, and no more. As for the state of being joined with Heaven as one, he was still utterly at a loss. Did it mean that the two great true arts, the Taiji Profound Purity Way and the Great Brahma Prajna, were to be fused and wielded at once?
Though he knew the hope of survival was slight, the temptation worked on him still, and Zhang Qingyue soon tried to cultivate in the direction the Book of Heaven described. But to use these two great true arts at once — how could that be easy? Within moments his blood and breath were in turmoil, and he had to give it up in despair. For several days running he made not the least progress.
And with that came a greater difficulty still, set before the two of them: there was no food left.
Those who cultivate the Way may soar to heaven and dive into the sea, but in the end they are still mortal flesh. The ancients are said to have practiced the art of abstaining from grain, neither drinking nor eating — but no one has ever seen it done. Since entering this cave, Zhang Qingyue had lost his rations; luckily there was still clear water to drink in the cave, but of dry provisions only Bili had brought any, and how could that be enough for two? Sparing as they might, it was soon eaten up.
How long they stayed in the cave after that, they could not tell; it could hardly have been more than two days before Zhang Qingyue and Bili sat staring at an empty food bag.
"Ai!" Bili sat on the stone platform, the heap of dry bones close beside her, yet showing not the least discomfort — demon-cult women, it seemed, were indeed not quite like ordinary folk. But just now her face was full of worry.
Zhang Qingyue was recovering fast; the fever was nearly gone, and apart from some weakness in his limbs there was little amiss. Hearing Bili sigh, he turned his head to look at the demon-cult woman. What met his eyes was a girl in water-green robes sitting at the edge of the platform, her feet dangling in midair and swinging idly to and fro, so that the Joybell at her waist rang "ding-dang, ding-dang." Had he not been in such a place, and had he not known who she was, Zhang Qingyue might almost have taken her for an innocent young girl.
Yet seen so, Bili looked far more worn than when they first met. Being a girl, she still went each day to the little water curtain to wash and comb herself, so her looks were still neat and her features fine, with nothing squalid about her — only she had plainly grown thin these days. At the thought, something stirred in Zhang Qingyue's heart. From childhood he had heard his master and seniors teach that all who walk the demon path are selfish, cruel, and ruthless. Yet here, in this cave of certain death, for what reason would this demon-cult woman still give half of the little food she had to him?
Zhang Qingyue was lost in these thoughts and did not notice Bili looking his way. Seeing that he had, at some point, begun to stare at her blankly, she flushed suddenly and cried, "What are you looking at?"
Zhang Qingyue started and hurriedly turned his head away. "N-nothing."
Bili, behind him, did not scold him loudly as he had expected. After a long while, what came instead was a sigh. "We are trapped in this cave of death, not far from dying. You need not be so stiff with me."